All Alone!

“All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone.” Jean de la Bruyere

What is it about being alone that is so scary? That seems so insurmountable? That chokes me and leaves me running out like a mad hatter, as if the world were coming to an end. What will make it better? Why has it suddenly become so impossible to be alone? Why do I dread my own company? Or is it something more?

I need answers. I don’t want to be locked up in an asylum cell fearing even the goddamn disinfectant smelling wall.

Make me see sense. Give me courage to tide over this. I need to be strong.

This or That?

The Rig Veda says, “When there is harmony between the mind, heart and your determination, nothing is impossible.”

Now my question: for someone as confused and vacillating as me, harmony seems as unattainable as utopia. So then how do we make the impossible, possible?

I am perpetually torn between two extremes. Why I wonder? Is it because those two divergent choices really exist in my little world? Or because I would like to delude myself that though the available option is not as pleasant as I would like it to be, there is this nook in my little brain I can run away to hide in.

The choices stump me at times. Yet I pretend I am conquering something, a temptation, a lesser option, a similar not up to the mark opportunity in favour of this so-called wise and well-informed decision. Only to rant in a few months at best a few hours.

If varied options merely lead to confusion and discontent in hindsight, why not do away with them?

But then how will I console myself that I got the better deal, unless there is something to pip in favour of it?

Life’s choices have me confused.

But that is my silly high.

I refuse to let it go.

And true it is...

“What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does.”