She Stares Alone

You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning....a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be.
Joseph Campbell


Seems like ages since I was confined to this little house overlooking the traffic. I watch cars and scooters pass by with bustling passengers….trying to get a sneak peek into their lives….trying to understand why they alone have been chosen to be the ‘busy lot’.

I married for love and now am confined by my love. They told me marriage is all about sacrifice, adjustment, termination of individual egos and what not. I dutifully obeyed them and here I am…..a pathetic shadow of myself.

I watch from above and see this lady, cribbing, watching TV, perfunctorily cooking dinner, lying on the bed gazing at the roof hoping or maybe praying that someone or something come crashing down to bring her life. She cleans and hums, makes love and fights, socializes and sleeps all in rhythm. And in the stillness of the four walls she sobs out loud. Wanting all to hear and save her from this anonymity and dependence. I put out my hands….but her blinding tears keep her from clutching my fingers….

Suddenly she hates the world and everyone inhabiting hers. She wants to break free, yet the choices she made strangle her and tie her down like a block of iron. She is talking to me and asking me to intervene. To play with fate, and to erase these moments that are making her seem like an outsider to herself. She doesn’t understand the shackles she has built for herself. And still amidst the drowning waves she loves and calls out for him. Wondering if her love might not shake him awake from his self possessed dream…. hoping if he might not put out a hand to prevent her from drowning in her pool of tears.

Alas not even her Gods seem to be listening in on this aside. All at once she feels betrayed by her loved ones…for not stepping in, for not pretending to care, for not being there….. For leaving her all alone to stare.