Off for a break.
Wish all of you a Merry Christmas & a Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Cleaning out….
As I rummaged through some old mails etc, I came across this little neatly hidden note. Personal, written in A’s hand.
“The point of the matter is she never would have gone so far away if it hadn’t been for them…. there was nothing that could have come in between them. The princess would have patiently bided her time, forever. And yet…the storm raged. She was swept away. And while he searched with all he had left, she was floating unaware in some faraway shore, calling out to him, choking on tears. Something died then, deep within. Never to be reborn or mended. Not trying to make excuses and slip away. It was ignoble and simply disgusting. It hurt too. That it did whatever else he might want to believe. It tugs at the heart more than he might actually give credit for. She did let you down, did turn out to be a slippery eel, uncaring and unreliable. But if ever he finds it within himself to believe and forgive, he should do so, for come what may the princess will wholeheartedly love the captain, and him alone till the end of time.”
Those days it never made sense to me…
Neither had ever explained why they chose different partners. It had shocked me then, it scares me now. I had stayed away. Now I wonder…
I have another 20 odd FYI ones. I wonder if I should make sense of it all, after so many years.
Ignorance is indeed bliss many a times.
“The point of the matter is she never would have gone so far away if it hadn’t been for them…. there was nothing that could have come in between them. The princess would have patiently bided her time, forever. And yet…the storm raged. She was swept away. And while he searched with all he had left, she was floating unaware in some faraway shore, calling out to him, choking on tears. Something died then, deep within. Never to be reborn or mended. Not trying to make excuses and slip away. It was ignoble and simply disgusting. It hurt too. That it did whatever else he might want to believe. It tugs at the heart more than he might actually give credit for. She did let you down, did turn out to be a slippery eel, uncaring and unreliable. But if ever he finds it within himself to believe and forgive, he should do so, for come what may the princess will wholeheartedly love the captain, and him alone till the end of time.”
Those days it never made sense to me…
Neither had ever explained why they chose different partners. It had shocked me then, it scares me now. I had stayed away. Now I wonder…
I have another 20 odd FYI ones. I wonder if I should make sense of it all, after so many years.
Ignorance is indeed bliss many a times.
For the captain and the sea princess
“………I was just entering the place.
He looked right at me, smiled and walked away.
Something in me went off. It kept saying he likes you.
I put it aside. Walked on.
Talked on, lived on.
3 days later I met him again.
We were going the same way.
We were sitting next to each other.
We talked.
And talked.
And fought like 3 year olds.
Then suddenly held hands.
Suddenly we were shy.
Of everything, of each other.
Till that moment it had all seemed so pure.
Suddenly there seemed to be bigger questions that needed attention.
I was single.
So was he.
But we were strangers.
What was it that had brought us together?
Where was this seemingly sudden and one and only meeting headed.
Why had we both gasped and smiled the minute we had set eyes on each other again at the bus stop?
Was it another fanciful dream?
No. He is much older than me.
Then why am I, this fresh in college kid, swooning over him?
Pray what is wrong?
All I wanted was to be with him, talk to him, look at him, have him hold me, like this forever…”
A sent me this way long ago. Those days I had wondered how in the span of a half hour bus ride she had mustered up enough reason and courage to interlink her fingers with that of an older stranger.
After years of being together, they still took a bus ride to relive those innocent times.
Today as I search for those two faces, people who made me what I am, loved me to death and made me love so steadfastly in return.
The two of you…so far away, so removed from my life.
At every turn I look for your approval, your smile.
For every moment spent apart…
I miss you A & S.
Love you always.
He looked right at me, smiled and walked away.
Something in me went off. It kept saying he likes you.
I put it aside. Walked on.
Talked on, lived on.
3 days later I met him again.
We were going the same way.
We were sitting next to each other.
We talked.
And talked.
And fought like 3 year olds.
Then suddenly held hands.
Suddenly we were shy.
Of everything, of each other.
Till that moment it had all seemed so pure.
Suddenly there seemed to be bigger questions that needed attention.
I was single.
So was he.
But we were strangers.
What was it that had brought us together?
Where was this seemingly sudden and one and only meeting headed.
Why had we both gasped and smiled the minute we had set eyes on each other again at the bus stop?
Was it another fanciful dream?
No. He is much older than me.
Then why am I, this fresh in college kid, swooning over him?
Pray what is wrong?
All I wanted was to be with him, talk to him, look at him, have him hold me, like this forever…”
A sent me this way long ago. Those days I had wondered how in the span of a half hour bus ride she had mustered up enough reason and courage to interlink her fingers with that of an older stranger.
After years of being together, they still took a bus ride to relive those innocent times.
Today as I search for those two faces, people who made me what I am, loved me to death and made me love so steadfastly in return.
The two of you…so far away, so removed from my life.
At every turn I look for your approval, your smile.
For every moment spent apart…
I miss you A & S.
Love you always.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Forget it, but how?
“When love becomes labored we welcome an act of infidelity towards ourselves to free us from fidelity” --- François de la Rochefoucauld
In the last five years, a zillion times I have pondered, what forced him to commit such a heinous act? It was unforgivable then, and now.
What is it that spurs a human being to stray; from those he/she professes to love more than themselves?
Is it boredom, is it for pleasure or the thrill of the chase, or a craving for variety, or lust, or physical and/or emotional needs, or despair, or depression, or loneliness, or anger, or revenge, or pure mirth, or sheer disregard for another, or destiny or something beyond all that?
It had stung really hard, and has permeated sensibilities of mine, that are invisible to the naked eye or brain and now impede pure happiness and innocence in me.
Why? I ask myself, for I never got an answer.
Now as I build happiness with another, I am forced to relook and try and discard those fears and numbing feelings so as not to cast a dark shadow on the honesty of that which exists now.
I wonder if ever I shall break free of those shackles that bind me for life? How I shall mete out justice to this one who loves me beyond compare now and gives me happiness I didn’t dream of by worrying myself green that history might repeat itself.
How can you walk away from something that hurt you so bad and bury it so deep it can never again resurface?
In the last five years, a zillion times I have pondered, what forced him to commit such a heinous act? It was unforgivable then, and now.
What is it that spurs a human being to stray; from those he/she professes to love more than themselves?
Is it boredom, is it for pleasure or the thrill of the chase, or a craving for variety, or lust, or physical and/or emotional needs, or despair, or depression, or loneliness, or anger, or revenge, or pure mirth, or sheer disregard for another, or destiny or something beyond all that?
It had stung really hard, and has permeated sensibilities of mine, that are invisible to the naked eye or brain and now impede pure happiness and innocence in me.
Why? I ask myself, for I never got an answer.
Now as I build happiness with another, I am forced to relook and try and discard those fears and numbing feelings so as not to cast a dark shadow on the honesty of that which exists now.
I wonder if ever I shall break free of those shackles that bind me for life? How I shall mete out justice to this one who loves me beyond compare now and gives me happiness I didn’t dream of by worrying myself green that history might repeat itself.
How can you walk away from something that hurt you so bad and bury it so deep it can never again resurface?
Everybody has a good side?
"Find the best in everybody. You might have to wait a long time, sometimes years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side; just keep waiting, it will come out. "
Randy Pausch
My life and experiences, albeit small and numbered, tell me there is no inherent and hidden goodness in someone. There are no varying degrees. Either they are good or bad. There is never this fine line ebbing into nothing. Most manage to pretend and hope otherwise.
The people I have known range from downright evil to absolutely wonderful. Though the first category seems to attract itself more to me, the fact remains the last has been the one that taught me more.
They, who are innately good, can only exude goodness. And basking in that either we learn, unlearn or relearn. We may not become clones of those saintly souls, but it at least instills in us the belief that even if we are not considered pontiffs and divine messengers, we might be able to bring a smile to someone, somewhere. At the bare minimum, we might make life better for ourselves.
Few years back, each roadblock seemed a punishment to me. I berated against nature’s cruelty against simple me. But now I wonder otherwise.
When the going gets tough, the person who is a survivor grits his/her teeth and sees a silver lining even amidst the muck. That has been my attempt at many junctures in my life.
There is always something good, if only you persist and go through with it all. There is some reason it is happening to you, and not to the guy who sits next to you in office. What might that be?
I don’t have many answers, but I merely pursue what little goodness and purity that remains in me. I wouldn’t want to be the odd one living amongst pontiffs.
Randy Pausch
My life and experiences, albeit small and numbered, tell me there is no inherent and hidden goodness in someone. There are no varying degrees. Either they are good or bad. There is never this fine line ebbing into nothing. Most manage to pretend and hope otherwise.
The people I have known range from downright evil to absolutely wonderful. Though the first category seems to attract itself more to me, the fact remains the last has been the one that taught me more.
They, who are innately good, can only exude goodness. And basking in that either we learn, unlearn or relearn. We may not become clones of those saintly souls, but it at least instills in us the belief that even if we are not considered pontiffs and divine messengers, we might be able to bring a smile to someone, somewhere. At the bare minimum, we might make life better for ourselves.
Few years back, each roadblock seemed a punishment to me. I berated against nature’s cruelty against simple me. But now I wonder otherwise.
When the going gets tough, the person who is a survivor grits his/her teeth and sees a silver lining even amidst the muck. That has been my attempt at many junctures in my life.
There is always something good, if only you persist and go through with it all. There is some reason it is happening to you, and not to the guy who sits next to you in office. What might that be?
I don’t have many answers, but I merely pursue what little goodness and purity that remains in me. I wouldn’t want to be the odd one living amongst pontiffs.
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