Looks Maketh a Person!

It’s funny how one can be judged on all counts merely by taking in one’s appearance. In the last couple of weeks so many have stood in judgment of me and even assumed to know what exactly I was made up of, based on how I look now.

It rankles when any achievement or quality one might have is shrunk to hide behind one’s waist size.

And most even pretended to know what was behind my “excessive fat build-up” and proceeded to give me well-meaning (yeah right!) advice on how to shed those kilos and look svelte.

The irritant in this whole episode is that many assume that one likes “being fat” and that I’m wearing it as an ornament, when deep down one is seething at not being able to correct the flaw in its entirety.

Even more pissing off when random strangers jest with me about my weight and suggest that I might want to take the stairs to the top floor so that I can hasten the weight loss process.

“You ridiculous, interfering moron, if it were that simple, I would be running up and down a flight of stairs from morn to night.”

Truth remains that one’s girth is indeed a deciding factor, in one’s success, choice of career or personal profile within your chosen medium, your growth trajectory, your social standing, your perceived value and what they think you are capable of. And every single instance in the last so many years bears testimony to this fact by playing out in entirety in my life.

It’s irritating and now once again you notice that as the shit hits the fan, the only one left hurt and looking for comfort is me.

But I need to hang in there. I cannot let random people turn me off course and drown myself in depression. I need to find the “hot button” that will keep me motivated to change my settings, and turn into eye-candy once again, so that everyone might think I am worth something.

And then finally maybe I will scale those heights I have been eyeing for so long.

After all, unless one looks good, one would be of no use to the world!

Do away with Fear

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
Paulo Coelho

The only thing I have ever wanted and wanted bad is to be a published writer. Many a day I have wondered, what life would mean and remain if I couldn’t put pen to paper. I never quite knew when I fell in love with writing….was it all those school essays, irrespective of language, or those many competitions or the books or the letters or the poems…what exactly got me on to this trip eludes me….but what I do know is it defines me…more than anything.

Despite all the many talents/capabilities I consider myself blessed with, this is one I am particularly proud of and one I have cherished and tried to nourish so long…

This is also one dream I hoped nobody else would take away from me, or want to share with me, because this was purely and truly mine.

But having partakers or competitors in your liking/joy….is that a reason for fear. Does that mean you are in any manner lesser? Does that make you less confident about your innate capabilities? Does that make you insecure? Or is it that by having more around to encourage and or criticize you, one only ends up polishing ones skills?

Its silly to assume what you know in your heart is yours to keep and cherish will be taken away by anybody or anything…its only when it’s publicly consumed/evaluated or judged does it become a living thing as you initially intended it to be.

So push back fear and come write…so that all may read, comment, berate or celebrate your writing….

Is my heart, my being listening?

Of New Neighbours In The Blogosphere

It was a jolt from the blue. Someone I had never assumed would take to the pen, has suddenly proclaimed his need to chronicle his thoughts, actions and much more.... More so because he is close to my heart and I never believed it was something he found in the least interesting or necessary. It was almost like me donning whites and taking to the cricket field. I had them both rated as equally impossible. But life is indeed full of surprises. Then again, what would life be without a few bouncers eh? So welcome my dear man....and enjoy the ride.

From Little India to Belittling India….

Jan 7, 2009 is a day that will be etched in the memory of Corporate India forever. One of its biggest heroes Ramalinga Raju, had in an attempt to garner sympathy and present the façade of taking the high road, admitted to committing financial fraud to the tune of Rs 7000 crores. Whatever might be the justification, the fact remains he screwed up….that too big time. Even as the world goes nuts calling it India’s Enron and Raju, the Indian Madoff, what we are sidelining is the plight of almost 52,000 families whose bread and butter was to come from this beacon of Indian IT.

All these people, till yesterday unaware of what was happening in the ivory towers, were going about their lives with a chip on their shoulder merely because they had something in common with a company that was synonymous with the success of Indian IT. And hey presto the dream came to an end.

And while resumes flood the net and head hunters’ offices, the fact remains this could not have come at a more inappropriate time, when the industry is facing multiple challenges and there are very few jobs to go around. Fact is also that there are going to be much experienced and talented people within the Satyam pool who will now want recourse. This also poses a question for competitors looking to retain and employ only quality talent, and weeding out the chaff. Will this sudden spurt of qualified and employable talent create an excess that will cause more trouble for the lesser entrenched, lower qualified personnel in IT majors?

The after effects are only beginning to unravel and it remains to be seen what India and its corporate sector will do to salvage the plight of these unfortunate souls who Satyam employed.

Its That Time of The Year Again....

Let the spirit of love gently fill our hearts and homes. In this loveliest of seasons may you find many reasons for happiness. May the peace and joy of the holiday season be with you throughout the coming year. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

A wake up call....

What unfolded in Mumbai has made me angry, sad, harsh, and frightened.

Here are men who are afraid of nothing….walking in as if to savour an ice-cream killing everything in sight.

Their determination is scary…in that despite their numbers dwindling they held on and kept up the siege for so long.

There are many people, institutions to blame.

But it’s to the spirit of Mumbai that they have survived yet once again. If it had been Bangalore that would have been the death knell for this city, so unashamedly unprepared to meet any emergency.

There are many questions I’m repeatedly asking myself and now there are fears…

Of how any of us could be caught in the cross fire, when least expected.

Makes me worry about tomorrow…. My big plans. At the moment my only plans.

What if I don’t have much time left?

But more so I worry about my loved ones. When I see the pain on those who have lost, it makes me sit upright and wonder how I would deal with it. Will there be this calm or will I merely be numb. I don’t want to imagine…that makes it a little real.

Every place is unsafe.

Every place is a target.

Every one is a target.

Life is no more innocent, about random laughs, tears, simple joys and little treats.

It has to be about accomplishing all I want soon.

For the clock is ticking and no one knows for how long.

God be with those who have lost love and more in this madness. May it never be repeated.....

Do I listen to my heart?

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs

“.. Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” Steve Jobs

This did jolt me out of my reverie. I almost quite know what it is that I want to become. Or rather I refuse to admit that it is that which my heart keeps whispering to me, coz it’s not easy, it might warrant failure, repeated too. But then what is this life if I were to but stay within tested waters? Shouldn’t I dare?

Well I should. But right now I need to convince myself I’m hearing it right and that I have it in me to go that far despite all the setbacks, rebuke, and possible failure. Also that it will not pay the bills now and maybe never. But can I afford to make that leap of faith? Time alone will tell. Until then let me prep myself both to soar and fall.